Dr Rabbit REVEALED
by Exclusive Cheese
Summary: Unleash the hidden subtext embedded in the Dr. Rabbit cartoon film, first brought into light by the "YouTube Poop" phenomenon.


Dr. Rabbit first appears in a previously empty balloon basket, using his otherworldly powers beyond mortal comprehension. "Hello there!" Dr. Rabbit says to the viewer, somehow being able to carry a conversation beyond the realm of the television screen. "I am Dr. Rabbit. The world's only rabbit dentist!" he says, hoping you'll buy into his poorly veiled disguise. He quickly goes on and on about his bright smiles world tour, sugar coating his sinister plans with promises of education. First, Dr. Rabbit takes off to Mexico, where he approaches a little girl named Carmen. He quickly informs her that eating chips can turn your mouth into a hellhole where demons of plaque roam free. The demons start singing their horrible war chant, the one which strikes fear into the hearts of even the bravest. After scarring the child for life, he invites her on a balloon ride without her parents' consent. She smiles and agrees, hoping that she's hiding all traces of fear.

Next, Dr. Rabbit shows up in Africa, where the inferior "human" Negros reside alongside animals, as they should, for it is their proper place. The uneducated Negro child is thrilled at the idea at being taught about "bright smiles" and agrees to participate as well. Dr. Rabbit quickly shells out his officially licensed Fluoride Toothpaste, eagerly awaiting his residual checks from Colgate. He also tells his followers, including several wild animals which could attack and devour the children at any time, to brush at least twice a day, believing this will cause them to run out of toothpaste quicker and thus need to spend more money, which would eventually collapse the Capitalist system as we know it.

In a flash of a second, everyone pulls out their toothbrushes in a hypnotic state brought on by the dark rodent. When Dr. Rabbit notices that a Colgate brush has gone shaggy, he quickly commands the hippo to buy another one. A similar event occurs when the hippo considers washing the Giraffe's toothbrush out with soap when he's done, hoping to save money. Dr. Rabbit is very concerned about the dominance of capitalism. Noticing the lack of faith his followers are gaining, Dr. Rabbit quickly gives out a "free sample" toothbrush, which little does the hippo know has previously been used to scrub unmentionable regions.

After a Satanic chant about proper dental care, Dr. Rabbit enslaves a fellow animal to be his "taxi". He commands the exotic yellow bird, so endangered that there is almost no scientific evidence on its existence, to carry him and the two children all the way to a continent on the other side of the Earth. Somehow, the bird's will to live keeps him going through the entire journey. His inspirational tale was made into a film, which won Best Picture at the Academy Awards. Upon reaching China, where Dr. Rabbit has somehow gotten past the Communist border patrol, he meets a Chinese boy who somehow speaks fluent English. The boy is in denial about how atomic weaponry has rendered The Great Wall practically useless in combat. After quickly shelling out Colgate brand toothpaste in a horribly done attempt at comparing it to ancient Chinese military strategy, the purple beast suddenly shrinks all the children down to microscopic size, pitting them directly against the demons of plaque.

The children, hoping to make their demise quick and painless, charge against the terrifying demons with only toothbrushes. When their limited weaponry actually works, the children develop complete and total brand loyalty. The emotional trauma, however, will still take a lifetime of therapy to be dealt with. Using the sheer power of the Underworld, Dr. Rabbit transports the children to Australia in less than the time it takes to blink.

The next child to be kidnapped is Olivia. She has an accent so stereotyped that she appears to be an adult, and she has the inability to greet anyone without saying "G'day". Before the other children can realize how racist the entire scenario seems, Olivia welcomes them to "The Land Down Under". Dr. Rabbit, loving to butt into the personal business of others, asks Olivia if she flosses. Olivia, being an ignorant Australian, asks what floss is. Dr. Rabbit proceeds to put up his middle fingers and wrap them in floss, essentially giving Olivia the bird. He then gives a demonstration on some disembodied human teeth that just so happen to be in his briefcase.

Dr. Rabbit then starts flossing Olivia's teeth, giving specific instructions, while his army of Plaque demons sneaks into the mouth of unsuspecting Olivia. In a well staged performance, Dr. Rabbit "defeats" the spawns of Satan, causing Olivia to feel eternal brand loyalty to Colgate. Olivia then suggests using the pouch of a Kangaroo to travel to North America. It would probably be better if you don't ask what happened to the baby Kangaroo that's supposed to go in the pouch.

Upon arriving in North America, Dr. Rabbit meets a squeaky voiced young light-skinned black teenager named Michael. Once again, it would be better if you don't ask anything about who this child is or who he grew up to be. Dr. Rabbit was getting sick of the whole damn routine at this point, and sarcastically asked Michael if he knew that humans had two sets of teeth. Michael, having been raised by the West Virginian public school system, did not know this. "Really?" he said. Dr. Rabbit replied "Yes!" in a rather annoyed manner.

Dr. Rabbit put in an out of date film strip that demonstrates the cycle of teeth. The film strip depicts a baby tooth who must come to terms with the fact that he is obsolete, and will soon by replaced by permanent molars. Upon coming to terms with his cruel existence, he says "So long, guys." and jumps out of the mouth, thus committing suicide, and continuing the life cycle of teeth.

Suddenly, Dr. Rabbit starts rummaging through his briefcase. "He's reaching into his bag again." says Carmen nervously. In a swift move that defies the laws of time and space, Dr. Rabbit pulls out a dentist chair that is five times larger than the bag itself. Dr. Rabbit proceeds to pitch his latest product, the "dental sealants". Carmen and the Negro each attempt to offer actual educational lessons, each relating to a different culture's history, but Dr. Rabbit doesn't want his salesman pitch to be interrupted.

Dr. Rabbit gets inside his rocket ship, which wasn't there a few minutes earlier. The children follow in. As a last minute attempt at being politically correct, Dr. Rabbit plays soccer with a South American child with an unpronounceable name. Ummm...I've been writing this thing for over an hour now. Can I just phone it in? No? Well, I guess I can describe how the film ends. Having been possessed by the spirit of Dr. Rabbit, all the children break through the barrier of the fourth wall and have a conversation with the audience. Such realm crossing abilities are only possible with the power of the Underworld.

Finally, Dr. Rabbit whistles to bring back his satanic balloon. The children pile in, believing they are heading home. Of course, Dr. Rabbit doesn't want the police to know about this little incident, does he? Yes, he returns the children to their homes...or at least, he returns the bodies of the children to their homes. Their souls have been corrupted to the point of which they themselves are plaque demons...eternal slaves to the corporate machine known as Colgate. Dr. Rabbit drifts away into infinity chanting his eerie chant. "Bright smiles...bright smiles...will make the world a brighter place."


End file.
